It's been almost 4 months since I've blogged. I've been using my Facebook page pretty often to update my progress and struggles and all that good stuff. But I figure now and then I should say something here for the heck of it.
Things are going well. Since I started in October, I've lost 43 lbs. I'm very close to hitting 40 lbs since seriously starting in January. My entire body is feeling better, and that's both because of the actual weight loss, but also because of the food I'm putting into it and the activity I'm taking part in. I'm down 2 sizes (started at 22, now an 18) and happy about that.
I've started doing yoga about twice a week, and pilates here and there (I have a 5 class punch card, so we'll see how long it takes to use it up). I have 7 5Ks set up for this summer, with an 8th possible. I don't really run (not at this weight, especially), but anytime you move your body forward for 3.1 miles, it's not a bad thing.
I've been sticking incredibly well to my clean eating. I've taken a few "cheat" days here and there, but get right back on track the next day. I actually feel pretty crappy after I've eaten poorly, and there have been a couple times that I know I could have something "bad" but just don't want to. The issue here is that I can't let myself slip into my old ways because once I start eating poorly, my body gets used to it and I don't feel so "bad" about how I feel. I really want to get my A1C (diabetes test) checked again soon to see if the numbers have gone down more.
I've still got a long ways to go, that's for sure, but every day is a step closer. Sometimes it seems daunting, but then I look at how far I've come already. It's been worth every sacrifice.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Small steps on a big journey
Right now I'm 17 pounds into a 122 lb. journey (this includes weight I had already lost prior to taking the month of December off). This journey, however, will never be over for me. I will reach my destination, but the only way for me to enjoy the finish line is to learn the tools I need to beat my eating disorder.
Right now, I'm only seeing my therapist once a month. Things are going well for me, and I find it easy to stick with my clean eating routine. I know it will take me about a year to reach my goal, but I am committed. As I near my goal, I am going to up my therapy to learn and master the skills I need.
If you've never suffered from addiction or an eating disorder, please, PLEASE know how fortunate you are. I could never comprehend it ten years ago. I've learned why it is that I do what I do, and that's a great beginning in order to conquer my food addiction. As I've said so many times, being addicted to food is an awful addiction. I won't argue that any sort of addiction is awful, but the truth is that drugs, alcohol, etc are things you CAN live without. You need food. An alcoholic can avoid drinking and being around alcohol temptations, but a binge eater can't avoid or go without food. It's impossible. That's why relearning my eating habits are so important.
The thing that is hardest for me is the fact that I don't remember how I used to eat. You know, for the first 33 years of my life. Of course I had the occasional pint of ice cream or 4 pieces of pizza, but I didn't binge regularly. I don't KNOW how normal people eat. I mean, I understand food proportions and meal sizes, but knowing and doing are different.
I've spent the last 8 years or so gaining and losing, gaining and losing. And gaining. I can't imagine the type of damage I've done to my body. It's so important for me to learn how to eat mindfully and not treat food as "good" or "bad", just as food. Obviously I know there are foods that are better and worse for you, but that's the problem - I see food as "good" or "bad" and once I go down the "bad" path, I stay on that path. I can't separate having a piece of cake from eating bad. It's either you eat "good" or you eat "bad" in my mind. So, having a piece of cake after dinner could be disastrous for me. I just want to be able to EAT without thinking or worrying.
So yes, I've made small steps in my weight loss journey. But this journey will be a long one. A lifelong one.
Right now, I'm only seeing my therapist once a month. Things are going well for me, and I find it easy to stick with my clean eating routine. I know it will take me about a year to reach my goal, but I am committed. As I near my goal, I am going to up my therapy to learn and master the skills I need.
If you've never suffered from addiction or an eating disorder, please, PLEASE know how fortunate you are. I could never comprehend it ten years ago. I've learned why it is that I do what I do, and that's a great beginning in order to conquer my food addiction. As I've said so many times, being addicted to food is an awful addiction. I won't argue that any sort of addiction is awful, but the truth is that drugs, alcohol, etc are things you CAN live without. You need food. An alcoholic can avoid drinking and being around alcohol temptations, but a binge eater can't avoid or go without food. It's impossible. That's why relearning my eating habits are so important.
The thing that is hardest for me is the fact that I don't remember how I used to eat. You know, for the first 33 years of my life. Of course I had the occasional pint of ice cream or 4 pieces of pizza, but I didn't binge regularly. I don't KNOW how normal people eat. I mean, I understand food proportions and meal sizes, but knowing and doing are different.
I've spent the last 8 years or so gaining and losing, gaining and losing. And gaining. I can't imagine the type of damage I've done to my body. It's so important for me to learn how to eat mindfully and not treat food as "good" or "bad", just as food. Obviously I know there are foods that are better and worse for you, but that's the problem - I see food as "good" or "bad" and once I go down the "bad" path, I stay on that path. I can't separate having a piece of cake from eating bad. It's either you eat "good" or you eat "bad" in my mind. So, having a piece of cake after dinner could be disastrous for me. I just want to be able to EAT without thinking or worrying.
So yes, I've made small steps in my weight loss journey. But this journey will be a long one. A lifelong one.
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