Sunday, December 15, 2013

Trapped

That's how I've been feeling lately. Trapped in so many ways.

It's no secret that I'm unhappy living in Colorado. I've been here 8 1/2 years and I've wanted to leave since the moment I arrived. I want to be back in California. Actually, I just want to be anywhere but here.

But this week we began the refinancing process in order to save some money and pay down some other debt, thus trapping me here for the foreseeable future. Sure, we don't HAVE to, but we should. It's the responsible thing to do. We have enough debt that it would keep us from moving, anyway, so I guess I shouldn't solely blame the refinancing.

I'm still struggling with running. The shin splints are still horrible. I am beyond frustrated. Far beyond it. I'm worried that I won't be able to finish. I'm doing everything I should be doing. I'm trying. And it's going nowhere.

And I've gained weight. The stress from a billion things has gotten to me and I've been horrible with how I'm eating. I'm so mad at myself for letting it happen when I was doing SO well. I'm frustrated with myself for so many reasons.

I'm overwhelmed with things that need to be done around the house. It's a mess and I've been working on it just about the entire day today. I'm on load of laundry number 6, and I have absolutely no energy or desire to put any of it away. I've tried to clean the kitchen but things keep piling up.

I'm tired of complaining and tired of being miserable. I'm tired of feeling trapped in so many ways.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

I don't know what to do

I'm at a loss and close to giving up. Not on losing weight, but on running.  No, I never had aspirations of being a "real" runner, but I had aspirations of finishing this half marathon in 7 weeks with at least a 15 minute mile combo of run/walking.

But I can't even go half a freaking mile without ridiculous shin splints in my left leg. I used to do under 15 minutes a mile for at least 3 miles. Now I can't even do a 17:30 mile. I don't know what's going on. I have no idea. I stretch. I ice. I even got fitted for new shoes and they're clearly not working because they now hurt in a different spot on my right foot and today I got shin splints in my right leg.

I'm a miserable person after I try to run. Both emotionally and physically. I warm up with at least 2 minutes of moderate paced walking (probably 3.5 mph) and then do a 30 second run to 2 minute walk. I usually make it to my 2nd repetition before the shin splints kick in. Today I made it .62 miles before I had to turn around and come home. Walking. Slowly. I made it a whole 1.25 miles. At least Friday I made it 1.88 miles.

I've asked for suggestions from a health and fitness forum and while my post got 166 views, I got one whole response which didn't even come close to addressing my questions. I said that I stretch and she suggested stretching. So...

I've spent a lot of money registering for this half marathon - and that's not counting the travel and lodging costs as well as everything else that goes into it. If I can't do it, I don't know what I'll do. I don't know why I've regressed so much. I come home in tears and I keep trying and trying again. I can't take much more "rest" time. I have 7 weeks. And the furthest I've gone is 4 miles.

I don't want to give up, but I don't know what my options are right now.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Gaining control

Wow, it's been 2 months since I posted. Oops. So, here's a brief synopsis of the past two months:

Hit 198, went on vacation, ate off plan, came back from vacation, never went back on plan, decided to stay off plan so I can train for my half marathon, decided I'd start on Weight Watchers, gained at least 12 lbs, now on Weight Watchers and the number is slowly creeping back down.

So, here's the deal. If I'm going to be walking/running/hobbling/crawling a half marathon, I need to train for it so I do more of the former, not as much of the latter. And to train, you need proper nutrition. As much as Medifast has worked for me, it's not going to get me the calories and nutrition I need for heavy duty mileage days. I have every intention of going back on Medifast after the race to achieve my weight loss goal. But, in the meantime, I am going to do Weight Watchers and train.

Because of that, I need to work on gaining control of my bad behaviors. Left to my own devices, I'd eat myself into a coma some days. How does it work that I can stay focused for 5 months and lose 65 lbs and still have issues with that? You tell me. I don't know. But I need to work on finding a new "normal" for me which includes real food, not meal replacements and one real meal a day. This is where I struggle.

THIS is where I struggle.

Finding that off switch when I'm full. Finding the control to walk away from temptation. Being able to have foods in the house that are known binge-triggers without bingeing on them. I want to have fruit snacks for my daughter, but I could easily eat a whole box of them without thinking twice. Even milk - I could drink a half gallon a day, no problem. There are foods that I love that I purposely don't buy so they can't be in the house and I can't binge on them.

I need to find the same focus I had on Medifast with doing Weight Watchers and eating real food 3 meals a day plus snacks. The exercising won't be tough - the more you move, the more points plus you get to eat. My 27 minute brisk walk tonight (brisk in that it was a 15:33 minute mile AND it was 32 degrees outside) earned me 3 points plus, or a VitaTop muffin for my evening snack. I can get on board with legally being able to eat more food if I exercise.

So I am now on a new journey - to conquer my fear of real food and gain control of how I eat. I know it goes much deeper than that - I mean, how can I live for 33 years or so without major food issues and then suddenly develop such control problems? In a perfect world, I'd be able to afford counseling and a nutritionist and heck, a private chef while we're at it, but this is my world. And my battle to fight.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Whooooaaaa we're halfway there...

It's been a rough last few weeks for a few reasons, my anxiety being a huge cause, but my biggest accomplishment is that I haven't caved to my stress and eaten myself into a coma. I did eat off my Medifast program for 3 days a few weeks ago when we had family in town and also celebrated our wedding anniversary, but I'm back on track and have lost a little bit more.  I'm down 55.1 lbs this year.

You know what that means?

I'm halfway there! I'm halfway to my goal of 110 lbs lost!  I'm REALLY happy about that. Well, who wouldn't be happy after losing 55 lbs, right? I am sure that you can relate if you've ever been overweight that you've spent time feeling miserable and defeated. I'm STILL overweight (technically obese, thanks BMI), but I'm feeling inspired and ready. Ready to meet my goal!

I also started my half-marathon training 2 days ago. Today was day 2. I'm in horrible shape and nowhere near even being able to run a mile, much less 3 blocks. But it's day 2 out of 60 days of training. You have to start somewhere. And I can assure you that when I finish in 19 1/2 weeks I will be moving much faster and further than I am now. The point is I'm out there moving and training. And it feels GOOD when I'm done. It also helps that summer is (ha!) winding down. Not really. It's still been in the 90's the past few weeks here in Denver. But there's hope we might dip to the 80's next week. Heck, when I have to do my 13 and 14 mile training run/walks it will be late December/early January! Then I'll be whining for 80 and 90. (No. No I won't).

The walk/running has helped my anxiety a little bit. I still can't turn my brain off when I do it, but if I can push myself a little more it helps me focus on how much I hate running or how hot and sweaty I am. And even if my brain is over-run with OCD thoughts (which it is, all day long), it keeps me from worrying about how dumb I look run/walking when people pass me by on the busy road we live off of. Lemonade out of lemons, right?

Here's a photo of me when I hit 50 lbs, so 5 pounds ago. Can't wait to post a 75 lb lost pic!

Saturday, August 17, 2013

A LONG way to go

I'm not a runner. Not in any sense of the word. Not. At. All.

I also haven't started officially training for my half marathon. Nothing more than walks, and not nearly enough of them. Today I did a 5K with my sister-in-law and one of her friends. I felt bad because I think they probably would have liked to have run it, but I held them up. I ran for a good couple minutes... that's it. And it's been 2 1/2 hours since we finished it and I still feel like I have an elephant standing on my chest.

Yay asthma!

I am fully confident that I can train and be in shape to finish a 13.1. It may be predominantly walking, but there is NO doubt in my mind that I will finish in the allotted time. None. But I just hate, hate, hate that I am unable to run any length of time. I never have been. The furthest I've ever run consecutively in my life is slightly over a mile. My lungs hate me. I hate looking at runners out having what seems to be like a leisurely run with friends chatting and whatnot. I look at them and think "I can do that!" and then I try.

It's frustrating.

But, I'll look at the positives. I am down 49.1 lbs. That's a lot of weight. I walk a LOT faster than I have in the past. I LIKE being active. I am confident that before my 13.1 I will lose at least 40 more pounds. I will move even faster and easier then. And the more I move, the easier it will get. Right?

My official training starts in 17 days. 20 weeks of training. Which means I'm only 22 weeks from the actual half marathon. That's not THAT far away, and I still have a LONG way to go.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Getting real

When I stepped on the scale yesterday morning it said 219.2.  That means I have said goodbye to 5 "decades" of weight. And that I'm down 45.3 pounds. It's starting to get real that I really have lost this weight.

I still have a long way to go. 65 pounds, to be exact. But I'm looking ahead. I'm looking ahead to when I've lost another 4.7 lbs. I'll have hit the 50 lb mark. Still 60 to go, but you know, 50 pounds is a pretty decent start, I'd say.

It was a cool day today in Denver so I wore jeans and a shirt. My "skinny" (the cut of the jeans, NOT my skinny jeans) jeans are now way too big. It was a pain in the butt to be out and about always pulling up my pants. Unfortunately, the next size down is still too small.

I have my first of 3 5Ks this month coming up Saturday night. I'm not prepared in that "I need to run 3.1. miles" way, I'm more in the "I'm going to walk this with some running thrown in there here and there". Besides, they're all fun runs. FUN runs. (And trust me, I'm nowhere near that part where I wake up and think - "you know what would be FUN today? A run!"). Even the 10K that I signed up for in November is a fun run. And I get pumpkin pie at the end. Dude, I would easily travel 6 miles for a piece of pumpkin pie. My training for the half marathon starts in less than a month. I'm about to get really active.

Like I said, it's starting to get real!

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Small Things

One thing I posted about in my Facebook group was something called NSV - Non-scale victories. What are they? Well, it's when the scale may not have moved much, but you're able to do something you weren't in the recent past. Now, I've lost a lot of weight in the last 2+ months so that has had a lot to do with all of my victories. But there are things that have no bearing on the scale.

Things like shaving 4 minutes off my miles - almost 5. Yeah, it helps that I've lost just about 40 pounds, but if I don't go out and actually take walks or jog, that doesn't matter. I'm sleeping a little bit better. Some has to do with my thyroid being under better control, but as you may know, sleep apnea is something that affects many overweight people. I would not be shocked if I had it for a while as I would wake up a dozen times a night and never wake up rested.

Old Navy recently had a sale on gym shorts for $5. I bought 2 pair, an XXL and an XL. Initially the XL were too tight and the XXL fit just about right, perhaps slightly loose. Well, about a month later the XXL fall down. They don't have a tie at the waist, so for a while I just safety pinned them, but today I tried on the XL and they fit pretty much perfectly. I'm glad I only spent $5 on the XXL!

I went shopping in my basement last week. The sad thing about someone who has binge eating problems is that they often gain and lose quickly and go through many sizes. I have pants from size 10 to size 20. I don't know if I'll ever be in the 10's again, but I have plans for my 12s. As of now I'm down one size. It's a little sad just how many clothes I DO have in my basement. But I just haven't been able to bear getting rid of some of them, even if I was 3 sizes bigger. Deep down I've always had faith in myself, just difficulty getting it moving.

I'm officially signed up for the Tinker Bell half marathon at Disneyland in January 2014. Right now I'm at that 16 minute mile which consists of running 2.5 minutes of it and walking the rest at 3.5 mph. In talking with my BFF, who is also doing it, we're planning on alternating run/walking. My asthma makes running difficult, but it's not going to stop me.

My results as of today? Down 39.3 lbs since March 4th and 35.7 on Medifast since May 6th.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Food is my drug

This post might end up being all over the place. I think I'm just going to write, and you can try to make sense of it all.

The title of this post says it all. Food is my drug. I can't tell you WHY, not really, but I can tell you WHEN.

I lost 30 lbs about 8 years ago. I went from 176 to 144. I had been in the 140's in high school and then the majority of my adult life had been about 155-160. I always felt "fat", though all of those are healthy weights for my height. There were a few patches in college where I gained weight, but I was able to lose it pretty easily between softball and watching what I ate. I had gained roughly 20 lbs over 2 years in my late 20s due to a lot of beer, takeout, and not being nearly as active as I should have been. Was I overweight? Yes, according to the BMI charts, but really I didn't LOOK bad. (Looking back, of course).

Once I hit that goal weight, I moved from California to Colorado. I had done it on Weight Watchers, and rather than joining up here in CO, I figured I could maintain the weight loss on my own. I did fairly well for a few months, but then my "cheat days" became more frequent and I didn't bounce back as quickly as I could when I only would take one day a week. I struggled for about a year to keep the weight down so I would fit in my wedding dress, and I managed to weigh in at 159 on my wedding day. Then we went to Vegas on our honeymoon and ate and drank our way through a week there. It pretty much spiraled out of control after that. Within a year of our wedding, I had gained about 50 lbs.

I'm not one of those people who eats when they're sad or depressed, so I can't blame that. I just eat. Like I said, it's my drug. It makes me feel good. I LIKE food. I LOVE food

Yet somehow I have this amazing control right now over what I'm eating. I'm able to focus and this past 2 months I have lost 30 lbs. I have no idea how I'm managing that.

I know HOW to eat. I know what I shouldn't eat. I know what I should eat. But just like any other addict, when you crave your drug, you go after it. And the thing about being addicted to food is that you can't just STOP eating. Alcoholics and drug addicts can structure their lives so that they don't encounter as much temptation. You can't just NOT eat.

I can't tell you why this started happening. Prior to 2005 I never dealt with overeating the way I do today. I need more than a nutritionist, I need actual therapy. There's rehab for drug and alcohol addicts, but it's very hard to find that sort of thing for people with food addictions. Worse yet, it's hard for you to find it that's covered by insurance.

I'm not worried about not losing weight now. I know I will meet my goal. I have no doubt. But what I am TERRIFIED of is not being able to maintain it. I've failed before and I'm scared of failing again. I know I need help, help past the part of losing the weight. Help with the mental aspect. It's more than just meeting with a nutritionist. I KNOW what I should and shouldn't eat.

I hate that I have this looming over me. I'm feeling so positive about the success that I've had so far, and determined to get the job done. But then what?

Monday, June 17, 2013

Winning!

Today I was Googling things that weigh 30 lbs. Why? Because that's how much weight I've lost so far. Yeah, I'm pretty happy about that!

One of the things that I found that weighs approximately 30 lbs is this:
That's a World Series trophy, in case you weren't quite sure. That's also a photo of the first one my favorite team, the Oakland A's, won in Oakland in 1972. They also won one in 1973 (the year I was born), 1974 and 1989. They won 4 in Philadelphia, too. You're welcome for that little lesson on Athletics history.

Crazy enough, as I said, the A's have won 4 championships in Oakland. I'd love if this year was #5, but I digress. Anyway, 4 trophies = 120 lbs. I technically have 110 lbs to lose total, but if I lost a full 120 lbs, I would weigh the same that I did in this photo: 145 lbs.

Look at me all being skinny and drinking beer. We shall meet again someday, old friend.

The thing is, even when I was "skinny", my body structure doesn't allow me to be SKINNY. Those are size 10 jeans and the top is still a large. I still have the jeans. Probably the tank, too. 

Anyway. 

This thing also happens - when you lose weight, you move better and your body hurts less. 30 lbs ago, I could only walk at 3.0 mph for 3 or 4 minutes at a time or else I'd get ridiculous shin splints and horrible hip pain. I was 39 going on 79. I averaged a 22 minute mile when I walked, and I usually couldn't go much longer than 50 minutes - which was barely over 2 miles.

Yesterday I walked just over 2 miles in 37 minutes. An 18 minute mile. Now, that's still not fast enough to do the Tinkerbell Half Marathon completely walking (I believe you need to maintain a 16 minute mile), but I've already cut 4 minutes off my mile. I've only got 2 to go. Oh, and I walked those 2 miles pain free. I could have walked longer and further, but I didn't have enough time to do so.

So yeah, I'm winning. I've already won the war against one World Series trophy, and I've cut 4 minutes off my mile. I've hit the 30 pound lost mark, which earned me a reward - a Le Creuset dish. Now I need to think of a reward for hitting 40 pounds. It won't be long!

Saturday, June 1, 2013

New Clothes!

Ok, not really.

Sadly, I have a basement full of garbage bags and Rubbermaid containers of clothes that are too small. Because of this, new clothes aren't really a reward for me, because I already HAVE so many clothes that fit as I lose weight. But I guess you can say I can go shopping in my closet (or basement. Semantics).

So, I did that - because I've lost enough to fit back into my jeans I was wearing last fall. And that is pretty rewarding. I mean, in a way it's rewarding because YAY! I'm down a size! But it doesn't in any way, shape, or form mean that I am at a healthy weight or thin. It just means I'm getting close to the weight I maintained for about a year or so. I felt incredibly self-conscious at THAT weight, so you can imagine how I felt when I was 23lbs heavier than I am now.

But I do admit, I have a little boost of self-confidence knowing that I AM down that size. I know I don't look great, or even good, but I FEEL better.

A few weeks ago I blogged about how I wasn't sure I could do this Medifast thing. But I'm rockin' it. Do I love it? No. Do I like it? It's ok! I had a rough start because I also started on Metformin at the same time and dealt with a lot of the icky side effects that come with it (bloating, diarrhea, nausea). That's all subsided and I'm feeling good. While "normal" food looks good, I don't have the urges for it anymore.

Except for the fact that I dream about food.

Yeah. I dream about cheating on my weight loss efforts. For real. Usually with something pretty bad for me. But when it comes to real life, I don't. I haven't. I'm almost even nervous about doing it when I PLAN on doing it in 3 weeks. I'm that focused. But success feels good, you know?


Saturday, May 25, 2013

Moving right along

This week has been better in terms of settling in and feeling better about what I'm doing. No, I'm still not in LOVE with it. I miss milk. Cheese. And yes, beer. I don't miss bread, but I do occasionally miss pasta. There is a mac & cheese on the Medifast program that is similar to Kraft, but let's be real - Kraft mac & cheese is a sad substitute for something that looks like this:

Yeah. A little plate of heaven. That's mac & cheese with wild boar sausage from our favorite place to hang out. And even when I was really good at cleaning my plate, I couldn't eat all of it.

I digress.

So, I've been doing better. There really are only a few things that I've ordered that I don't like. The eggs still make me gag. I thought it was a Metformin thing, but no, it's a really nasty gross egg thing. And the cinnamon cereal... I can choke them down, but I'd rather not. Other than that, everything else is pretty average.

I won't lie, it's still a pain to be out with other people eating and drinking stuff that I'd rather have. This weekend is a challenge. Today we went up to the mountains and my husband had an amazing looking burger. I had an average burger sans bun and the veggies that came on the side weren't even ones that I could eat (well, I couldn't eat the carrots. I just don't like celery). Tomorrow we have a big Memorial Day BBQ at some friends. It's a potluck and there are always amazing dishes there. Sigh. I'll have one of my bars. Or something. Monday, at least, I have somewhat of a reprieve. We're headed to Rudy's BBQ in Colorado Springs. Yes, please! So, no, I can't have the sauce or the creamed corn - which is like crack, but I can have some prime rib and brisket and turkey and... yeah. You get it.

The thing is, I didn't get this way by eating well. I'm not going to lose the weight by eating like crap. I'm down 16 lbs in not quite 3 weeks (19 lbs from my starting point in March), so it definitely works.

But damn, that mac & cheese looks good.

Friday, May 17, 2013

This is tough

I'm not going to lie. This whole Medifast thing is TOUGH.

I lost a lot of weight a few years ago on Metabolic Research and it wasn't this tough, because I ate a lot more "real" food. I was able to have cheese, fruits like strawberries and apples, and a slice of bread twice a day if I wanted it.

This is a lot tougher. It's 5 pre-packaged meals plus one meat with lean protein and veggies. I'm not hungry, I just miss REAL food. Yes, my morning oatmeal is pretty darned good. I like it. The bars are fine. But I don't really love anything else. Oh wait, the cookie bake is decent. But still, I really miss "real" food.

I'm not even 2 weeks in yet. The first week was rough while getting used to my Metformin. Now I'm doing my best to stomach the food. And if I want to be successful, I have at least 6 more months of this, if not more.

The thing is, I KNOW this works. And I KNOW it will teach me good habits. And I KNOW I've already lost 10 lbs. I still don't have my head in it 100%.  I guess that sounds bad - my head is in it and I have been 100% dedicated to it, but I just feel like there's this big black cloud hanging over me where food is taunting me and I feel deprived. And I know that has caused problems in the past. I even DREAMED about going off program and eating a bunch last night. Sigh.

I start every day feeling pretty positive and eating my oatmeal (which is fabulous) and it goes downhill from there. When I hit 9:30 at night like it is now, I'm at my lowest.

I KNOW I can do this. I KNOW I need to do this. I just need to stay focused.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

It's been a week

This week has been a bit of a whirlwind for various reasons. I started on Medifast on Monday. Tuesday I was diagnosed with insulin resistant diabetes. Wednesday I started on Metformin. And since Thursday night my stomach has been a mess from it. Ugh. My bloodwork also showed that my thyroid levels were way out of whack, so my Synthroid was upped. I had figured that might be the case since it took me almost 6 weeks to lose 10 lbs, and I have a LOT to lose, so that is a long time to lose that much. I'm hoping the combo of upping my Synthroid plus starting Metformin plus doing Medifast will get me on the road to weight loss quickly. And give me a bit more energy.

I started a new job about 6 weeks ago. It's been kicking my butt. I am NOT complaining because the hard work is paying off (cha-ching!), but I'm still exhausted at the end of the day. I could really use some of that extra energy. It's slowing down a bit now, but not to the point where I'm not tired when I get home.

Tomorrow I'll be posting on my Katie Talks About blog about my first week on Medifast. I'm doing well. I won't say it's a walk in the park, and I won't say the food is amazing and incredible, but I will say that I'm losing weight and I haven't been hungry. It's been tough with having my stomach be so messed up from the Metformin to want to eat ANYTHING, but I do. Honestly, when I feel that way it doesn't matter if it's Medifast oatmeal or a chocolate milkshake - I don't want to eat anything.

Today's excitement was taking part in my first 5K since October. It was the Colorado Rockies Home Run for the Homeless. They had a walk and a run, plus a kids' 1K. Super proud of my 4 year old daughter who ran the 1K all by herself with no stopping. I hope that she can grow to love running and not fear it like I do! My 5K time was horrible (67 minutes!) but I also walked with a new friend who had her 6 year old daughter with her. Combine that with having to wait at a stoplight (for real) and people slowing down to a crawl once they entered the stadium as if they'd never been in a ballpark before. I'm sure that eliminating those two obstacles it would have been 60 minutes.I think if we didn't have the 6 year old with us, I'd have made it in at least 55 minutes. I have another one next Sunday, so there's a chance to do better. Fortunately, whatever pace it was that I maintained (21.5 minute mile, ugh) I had no pain and I felt good when I finished. Any time I go that far with no shin splints is a great day. Hopefully as I lose more weight, shin splints will be a thing of the past forever.



So, that's my week in a nutshell. A very big nutshell. We're talking at least almonds, but bordering on coconuts. Check my Katie Talks About blog tomorrow night for my Medifast update!

Sunday, April 14, 2013

I'll manage

I recently read an article by a woman who had undergone gastric bypass surgery and lost a significant amount of weight (well over 100 lbs) and was now a healthy weight. Of course now that I look for that article, I can't find it, and I'm too lazy to keep Googling because I'm trying to pay attention to "My 600lb life" on TV.

Anyway, she is now at a healthy weight and talks about how unhappy she is and how she didn't realize how unhappy she would be and how she was happy being overweight. Basically, losing weight didn't = happiness for her.

Wait... I found the article.
I can't relate.

I guess I've already mentioned that I've been a "normal" weight most of my life. I'm 40 now, and until I was 34 I was a healthy weight give or take a year or so in college. That weight came off quickly. (I think I weighed about 180 at one point in college). I'll admit, I have never been "skinny". But I could shop at normal stores for normal clothes and feel confident when I left the house. I have not felt confident in my looks or myself in two years. I have fallen asleep unhappy and frustrated with myself more often than I haven't. I don't feel good in my clothes. I don't look good in my clothes. I don't really even HAVE any nice clothes, except for a dress I bought for my aunt's funeral and a sweater I bought for her wake.

I have bags... BAGS and BAGS of clothes in the basement that I can't bear to get rid of because I love them, and I plan to wear them again. But I hate to think of all the money I've spent on clothes as I've gained weight.

I know what it's like to be a normal weight. I know what it's like to be overweight. And I know I'm not happy being overweight. While being a normal weight doesn't solve all of life's problems - in fact it won't remove the biggest stresses in my life - it will eliminate an additional huge stress in my life. We've all got enough stress in our lives, why not address ones you CAN do something about and try to minimize rather than pile on?

 So yeah. I'll manage. When I get to my goal weight and am in a "normal" range, I'll manage.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Chugging along

This morning I had an appointment with my endocrinologist. I see her every two months. My thyroid was removed on January 22nd, and we're still working to regulate levels.

My concern, which she validated, is that the weight isn't coming off as rapidly as I feel it should considering the work and dedication I'm putting into it. I'll have some fasting blood work done early next week which will also look at my A1C and fasting glucose levels. There's talk of putting me on Metformin if my fasting glucose levels are to high. I haven't heard good stories about Metformin, so I'm hoping that eating well these past few months and having lost a *little* bit of weight has helped. Regardless, my Synthroid will likely be increased which could help with my metabolism.

I took a 2.36 mile walk tonight in 48 minutes. I'm not sure what that averages out to in MPH because I don't do math. Unfortunately, even with my compression socks, shin splints kicked in when I started the uphill portion of my walk. Super frustrating. I ended up taking a 3 minute break after about 1.8 miles. I'd like to aim for a 3 mile walk on Saturday, weather and time permitting. Right now I'm not in it so much for the speed as I am for the distance and building endurance. I'd like to avoid the treadmill at the gym as much as possible, though I promised my daughter I'd take her there next week (she loves the kids room).

I'm talking with the Medifast people tomorrow about my contract and the program and am excited to get moving on it!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Chances

This isn't an official post, and I won't be using this blog to track my progress - but I will be talking about it on here in conjunction with my Tink '14 training. But today I was offered the opportunity to work with Medifast and their Take Shape for Life program in conjunction with Katie Talks About, my main blog.

I was offered the spot earlier today and am still waiting to finalize details, but I am super grateful for this opportunity. Once I learn more about it, I'll share more details on both blogs. I do know that the Take Shape for Life program offers a health counselor as part of the program, and the program consists of 5 small Medifast meals during the day plus one lean & green meal for dinner - meaning lean protein and 3 servings of non-starchy veggies.

I called this post "Chances" because I've lost track of which chance this is for me. At least my 3rd or 4th. Or 14th. I don't even know. But chances like this one don't fall in your lap every day. I like to think that the hard work I put into my blog - pretty much a part-time job that I work after Violet goes to bed at night & I finish my "real" job paperwork - has paid off.

I'm really excited to learn more about the Take Shape for Life program with Medifast. I really, truly, am as focused as I've been in years.

On a side note... no walking outdoors today. Sixteen degrees and snow. Yeah. It was 70 yesterday. I suppose I should have taken Violet and gone to the gym, but that would have involved leaving the house, and I was more than comfy in my Giambi shirt, yoga pants and flip flops. Tomorrow is a busy work day but I think I'll head to the gym with Violet after school.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Not so lazy Sunday

Well, after a month or so of really hitting it hard, I'm down 8 pounds. Give or take. In a way it's a little disappointing because I really have been SO good with NO binging (bingeing?) episodes in 34 days. I did eat more than I should have last weekend, but Saturday was my birthday party, Sunday was Easter and Monday was my birthday. I had planned on that. So I was ok being up a little bit - maybe not quite as much as I was at the end of the week. However, it's that time of the month so I don't think that helped at all.

Today... well, today I could have sat my ass on the sofa all day and watched baseball and putzed around on the computer. Instead, before I went to work for an hour at noon, I took a 2.5 mile walk. This time I had no shin splints. Earlier this week I walked just about 3 miles and had HORRENDOUS shin splints that had me almost crawling home. I wore compression socks today and I believe that made all the difference in the world. I have compression footies, but they don't help the shins. These are knee highs and totally did.

So, I did my 2.5 mile walk in 50 minutes. 50 minutes is 3.0 MPH. Why is this significant? Because I haven't been able to maintain a solid 3.0 MPH at the gym on a treadmill with no incline without shin splints or other issues. This is progress, people! 3.0 MPH is still a far cry from the 4.0 MPH I used to walk in my thin days, but it's a great start! To do it without pain is the most important thing!

When I came home from work, I certainly could have sat down and watched the A's game. Instead I turned it on in my bedroom and started to clean. My bedroom has been a MESS for quite some time because I am always so tired and even feel overwhelmed by how messy it is. I got in over 2000 steps today while cleaning my room. Some days I don't even get in 2000 steps!! I did 2 loads of laundry AND put most of it away. This is also big, because I have been known to let laundry sit in the dryer until I've retrieved everything out of there piece by piece as needed.

As I'm getting ready to head to bed, my Fitbit has 10,500+ steps for the day and 2500 calories burned. Thanks to my whiny 4 year old who NEEDS me to come upstairs eleventy times, I also have 16 flights of stairs done for the day.

Nothing lazy about this Sunday.

Friday, March 22, 2013

On my way

I'm a month in or so - well, not really. Two and a half weeks. And I'm down about 5 pounds or so. Nothing huge, but a start - and I'm focused.

That focus is the biggest thing. I binge eat. That's why I weigh 258 lbs. I spent the better part of my adult life being 5'8" and 155 and feeling fat. Well, when you weigh over 100 lbs more than that, you realize what an idiot you were for thinking that. As of today I'm 19 days binge free. This, my friends, is a big deal for me.


That's me at 263. I've never in my life weighed more than that. Ever. And I never plan to again.

I've been doing Weight Watchers. I'm not overly happy with it, only because it seems like I am getting a LOT of food to eat. I get 39 points a day. I mean, it's great when I want something like a Chipotle Chicken Burrito Bowl with sour cream and guacamole for dinner (19 points), but I'm not always so hungry. I've even upped my daily grande nonfat chai from Starbucks to a Venti (only one more point, but still). I know I'm not eating enough fruit and veggies, but even many of them are 0 points. 

Maybe I've set my expectations too high, but in the past when I've been in Weight Watchers, those with more weight to lose seem to lose more weight quickly than those with less weight to lose. I've been exercising an average amount, though not as much as I would like to simply because I was sick for a week, got well for a week, and now I'm sick again. I'm still training for the Tinkerbell Half Marathon. And I know as the weight continues to come off I'll be walking faster and further.

I should do fine for the next week, but after that it will be a challenge. I have a birthday party on the 30th, the 1st is my actual birthday, and April 5th is Opening Day for the Rockies. All days that I may overindulge by choice a little bit. The challenge will be to get back on the wagon before falling off completely.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Huffing and puffing

I used to weigh 145 lbs. I now weigh 263 lbs. I am tall, so it may not look like it, but it definitely feels like it. I get tired out doing the most ridiculous things - like walking up stairs and putting away laundry. I just started at the gym in preparation for a 13.1 mile race in 11 months. I have managed to complete 45 minutes on the treadmill two days in a row, but my hips are killing me.

They're killing me in a good way, in that way that you've awoken muscles you haven't used in a while. However, I still deal with terrible pain every day when I stand or walk too much. It feels like someone is sticking a burning knife into the sides of my back above my hips. I know that if I even lost 20 lbs it would subside some.

I've started the exercise portion, now I need to hit the healthy eating portion.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, I was a normal average girl. My weight always lied safely in a "normal" BMI range, give or take a few times, but a month or two of eating right would get me right back where I belonged.

And then something happened. I can't pinpoint exactly what it was, either. It started with binge eating and culminating in just giving up and finding myself 100 pounds overweight.

And it sucked.

It sucked really bad.

The harder I tried, the more I failed. And then it was so overwhelming that I just stopped trying and succeeded in failing.

But I'm done. I've registered for a 13.1 in 11 months. I don't expect to run it all, but I expect to complete it in under the required time. And I expect to be at least 50 lbs lighter by then. I HOPE to be 75 lbs lighter then, but expect to be at least 50 lbs lighter.

So, here I go.

Welcome to just another fat girl blog.