Trapped

That's how I've been feeling lately. Trapped in so many ways.

It's no secret that I'm unhappy living in Colorado. I've been here 8 1/2 years and I've wanted to leave since the moment I arrived. I want to be back in California. Actually, I just want to be anywhere but here.

But this week we began the refinancing process in order to save some money and pay down some other debt, thus trapping me here for the foreseeable future. Sure, we don't HAVE to, but we should. It's the responsible thing to do. We have enough debt that it would keep us from moving, anyway, so I guess I shouldn't solely blame the refinancing.

I'm still struggling with running. The shin splints are still horrible. I am beyond frustrated. Far beyond it. I'm worried that I won't be able to finish. I'm doing everything I should be doing. I'm trying. And it's going nowhere.

And I've gained weight. The stress from a billion things has gotten to me and I've been horrible with how I'm eating. I'm so mad at myself for letting it happen when I was doing SO well. I'm frustrated with myself for so many reasons.

I'm overwhelmed with things that need to be done around the house. It's a mess and I've been working on it just about the entire day today. I'm on load of laundry number 6, and I have absolutely no energy or desire to put any of it away. I've tried to clean the kitchen but things keep piling up.

I'm tired of complaining and tired of being miserable. I'm tired of feeling trapped in so many ways.